theos
I'm stumped as to why I was stumped when I was posed a question by a schoolmate about one of my assignments just now. I was happy with what I wrote, and I could have answered him with no qualm at all.
Yet I couldn't find the confidence to speak, so I pretended not to have heard him. I don't think I slipped away unnoticed, but he kindly didn't press me for an answer. Nonetheless, I felt quite bothered because first of all I had to pretend, and because I felt so uncertain about myself all of a sudden.
Is this another sign of me not having processed things deep enough to be able to express it when the time comes? (Contrary to popular belief, it is always, always easier for me to write than speak. Please believe me.)
This reminds me about the good talk I had with my PCG (pastoral care group) leader, SH, yesterday that got me thinking about 'teaching'. After asking me which areas in my life I'd like to develop (which would be being able to teach), he asked me what should teaching be. And my answer to him perhaps only reflected the kind of education system I was brought up in (and ironically what I champion against)—and perhaps my own perceptions of teaching because that is the way I want to be able to teach. I said that good teaching would mean that a student will be able to grasp and understand concepts easily, and be able to accurately explain them in return.
SH added a line that reminded me what the difference between my secular and theological school of thought should be: Lives should be transformed after being taught.
It is perhaps not an earth-shattering statement, but with my present state of mind that desires fluency, it shook me. This creates a whole new depth to teaching, doesn't it? Teaching is no longer confined to the classroom; it is a lifestyle that matches any classroom spiel. Teachability is not about regurgitability; it is a heart that is willing to humbly sit at the foot of the cross and be transformed in light of it. Of course, the element that undergirds teaching must be the Holy Spirit's empowering and illumination of the mind.
Still, I wish that I were more confident in what I have learnt and know. Certain times I'm overflowing with confidence; but others I am not. Is it the setting? Maybe I was caught between having to 'prove myself' and simply sharing what I'd learnt. Maybe the Spirit held my tongue so that I wouldn't end up boasting in my paltry knowledge.
It's still an ego-phenomenon that I'm trying to figure out, and I really hope that I will start trying to do some 'deep processing'. Not just in what I say, but in my entire being.
Yet I couldn't find the confidence to speak, so I pretended not to have heard him. I don't think I slipped away unnoticed, but he kindly didn't press me for an answer. Nonetheless, I felt quite bothered because first of all I had to pretend, and because I felt so uncertain about myself all of a sudden.
Is this another sign of me not having processed things deep enough to be able to express it when the time comes? (Contrary to popular belief, it is always, always easier for me to write than speak. Please believe me.)
This reminds me about the good talk I had with my PCG (pastoral care group) leader, SH, yesterday that got me thinking about 'teaching'. After asking me which areas in my life I'd like to develop (which would be being able to teach), he asked me what should teaching be. And my answer to him perhaps only reflected the kind of education system I was brought up in (and ironically what I champion against)—and perhaps my own perceptions of teaching because that is the way I want to be able to teach. I said that good teaching would mean that a student will be able to grasp and understand concepts easily, and be able to accurately explain them in return.
SH added a line that reminded me what the difference between my secular and theological school of thought should be: Lives should be transformed after being taught.
It is perhaps not an earth-shattering statement, but with my present state of mind that desires fluency, it shook me. This creates a whole new depth to teaching, doesn't it? Teaching is no longer confined to the classroom; it is a lifestyle that matches any classroom spiel. Teachability is not about regurgitability; it is a heart that is willing to humbly sit at the foot of the cross and be transformed in light of it. Of course, the element that undergirds teaching must be the Holy Spirit's empowering and illumination of the mind.
Still, I wish that I were more confident in what I have learnt and know. Certain times I'm overflowing with confidence; but others I am not. Is it the setting? Maybe I was caught between having to 'prove myself' and simply sharing what I'd learnt. Maybe the Spirit held my tongue so that I wouldn't end up boasting in my paltry knowledge.
It's still an ego-phenomenon that I'm trying to figure out, and I really hope that I will start trying to do some 'deep processing'. Not just in what I say, but in my entire being.
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