pursuit of happyness

Snuggling in my quilt in the cool dead of the night and watching the Pursuit of Happyness with the lights out was quite an experience. These times of being alone gives me much time to be still, really, and although leaving the mind to its own potentially-ADHD devices can sometimes get rather tiresome, but at least I have less things going on around me to bear its weight on my already-busy brain.

A quick (ok, not-so-quick) thought from the movie:

It was interesting to see how Will Smith's Chris Gardner started out living in his specific expectations of what success (his happiness equivalent) is: One with smiles, with loads of money and a swanky car. It was black and white to him, and he used to see that if he thought something wouldn't be of benefit to his pursuit of happiness, he wouldn't waste time on it. I love how even the mis-spelling of the word 'happyness' rubbed him the wrong way—and perhaps what really summed up the entire movie. So as the story progresses, as his life spiralled down, he began to learn that the pursuit of success wasn't as straightforward as it always looks. That 'happyness', though not spelt the usual way i.e. 'happiness', still had its meaning intact—as long as you looked at it as 'happiness'. He had to learn to let go of his black and white, logical "effort X equals to result X" mindset, and also come to understand that desperation doesn't let one have a choice. But one can choose to work with desperation. His turning point in the movie was perhaps as he sat in service one Sunday and heard the church choir sing:

"Now Lord don't move my mountain /
But give me the Strength to climb /
And Lord, don't take away my stumbling blocks /
But lead me all around"

He began to accept that mountains do not disappear and learnt to walk around it as he approached them. Some mountains even seemed to have surprises in store, just that he could yet see them. His self-proclaimed sociability was also put to test as he got more and more broke—to the point that he realised that perhaps he wasn't as generous as he thought he was. By the time the internship was over, his desire to be outstanding was lost; he did not even dare to think that he'd get the job. His spirit was broken. All he cared about was helping his son and himself survive each and every waking moment.

*spoiler ahead*

Well, of course, he got the job. But it wasn't in the spirit elation that he (or we) had expected. Rather, he was in tears and the ending scene with him once again in the opening scene, amidst all the 'happy faces' that he once desired. Here, we are led to see the irony—that what he initially thought would bring him success (the white elephant of a bone scanning device) did not; that happiness was not swanky cars and loads of money. He lost his wife, and lived homeless and in debt. At that very point, his happyness was as simple as that moment of relief as he was elevated from the pits of poverty.

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I was also reminded of the grace that I was shown when I experienced utter spiritual poverty—knowing that I could finally come to rest from kicking and scratching my way out of darkness and always being on the run... Yet how easy it is to forget that poverty once lifted out of it! To always be living as though spiritually impoverished yet enjoying the spiritual fullness of His being... 'Tis yet another amazing paradox to hold in tension. May I never forget.