the csj chronicles

Journal entry no. 1

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

“One who knows what grace is also one who shows grace.” – Dr TSI

Today, one of the exercises that we did was to share with one another our conversion experiences and our journeys to SBC. Though brief, I learnt more about my fellow schoolmates from what they shared about their lives and formed a deeper appreciation for them. Yet what struck me in the exercise was how distant the past felt as I narrated my own experience to my group.

I asked myself immediately after — is it really so easy to forget how God has brought me away from where I once was?

As we touched on the topic of forgiveness, I came to see how repentance, forgiveness and grace are inextricably linked: Grace begets repentance; repentance begets forgiveness; forgiveness begets grace. God’s grace is what brings us to repentance, for I believe that unless the Spirit convicts, repentance will not come to pass; true repentance should bring one a distinct sense of forgiveness and healing; the repentant can, because of the mercies that he or she has been shown, show mercy and grace to others who may sin against them.

But how often we easily forget the grace that has been shown to us! As I realised the ‘memory distance’ of the most important act of grace shown to me that led me to surrender my life under the Lordship of Christ, I shuddered at how stiff-necked I was, and still am. This is not the first time that I have felt this way. I saw that I was like a child who, upon receiving a gift once longed for, runs off immediately to play with the gift and forget the giver of the gift. And only when the gift finally breaks down, that the child turns back to the giver and asks for help, or a new gift.

And the cycle begins again: Grace begets repentance; repentance begets forgiveness; forgiveness begets grace.

Stiff-necked people most of us are; at the drop of an emotional pin we immediately flee into the wilderness — back into where we once were brought out from — and grasp wildly at the sand with flailing arms. It is that same dark place of familiarity that our depraved nature oft finds itself drawn to; and yet it is that very same desolate place that our souls should avoid.

Perhaps it is not that we forget, but we do not remember enough.