firsts and lasts
Today marked the true start of my year: The start of my FE with AR, but also the last of my vocal lessons. My teacher and I parted amicably after 3 1/2 years of seeing one another almost weekly.
I'll not forget that simple, cosy room where I got rejuvenated weekly despite my tiredness. I was refreshed by my teacher who'd put in her 120% every week, imparting not just singing but her experience, her love and her life. When I lagged behind she'd encourage me and when needed, chide me. She set goals and took me step by step, corrected my flaws and saw much potential in me. We certainly came a distance together -- till we both finally saw that I could not progress any further as I was too caught up with too many things. I seemed to have lost the energy to go on and was deproving rather than improving. On my part, I also recognised that I couldn't continue being the dead horse she was dragging; I felt bad that I couldn't be matching up to her expectations.
I'll not forget the time, effort, laughter, heartfelt moments, musically brilliant moments when I achieved a breakthrough in singing; these will be much treasured.
This is also an inclusio. I know the Lord placed in my heart for me to seek her to be my teacher right from the start, and as much as my first teacher also ended things rather abruptly (although Laoshi did warn me a couple of times before), I see this as one that was inevitable.
On one hand, I feel relieved that I will stop letting her and myself down, and that now I will have more time to focus on my studies which are priority, yet I feel extremely sad because it also signifies an end to the time that we'll spend together. Call it an attachment (feels like a break up), but this has been one big part of my life for the past 3 years, traveling 3 hours back and forth every week to Hougang for lessons, arriving back at school only when everyone is done with dinner. I also had to give up many opportunities to go out or meet up with people and some basketball games; even sometimes to sneak in to rooms to practice vocals, and also had to have people telling me that I was disturbing their peace.
Here's my progress, Laoshi said. I made some breakthroughs before taking Grade 8 and right before it. But after that it was all downhill. The new semester with Student Council, and being set free from some emotional baggage towards the end then the onslaught of assignments, exams and ministry activities... Too many changes in my life came and I didn't keep up with it. Now that I'm changing FE church, more changes are inevitable and the best decision was to put a hold to things. After all, my basics were already fine and I could manage pretty well what would be sung in a church or contemporary setting. My initial desire to do a diploma wasn't really necessary — I wouldn't be able to cope anyway. She also noted that although I was blessed with so many opportunities any singer would have wanted to have, I never really took each one as my last.
She's right on most fronts, and I am humbled... All this time I thought I was doing OK, but it became more apparent that I was not doing as well as I thought — and it didn't escape Laoshi's eyes. It took just that first 5 minutes of our final lesson to get her to finalise her decision that we had to stop, and much thinking on my part the past couple of weeks to see that this was probably the best option (I decided not aim for a diploma this year).
Thank you, Laoshi, for everything. I will dearly treasure up in my heart your quirks, your teachings, your passion, your love... I'm glad that the Lord crossed our paths, and I know that the Lord's love will hold us together.
I'll miss you.
I'll not forget that simple, cosy room where I got rejuvenated weekly despite my tiredness. I was refreshed by my teacher who'd put in her 120% every week, imparting not just singing but her experience, her love and her life. When I lagged behind she'd encourage me and when needed, chide me. She set goals and took me step by step, corrected my flaws and saw much potential in me. We certainly came a distance together -- till we both finally saw that I could not progress any further as I was too caught up with too many things. I seemed to have lost the energy to go on and was deproving rather than improving. On my part, I also recognised that I couldn't continue being the dead horse she was dragging; I felt bad that I couldn't be matching up to her expectations.
I'll not forget the time, effort, laughter, heartfelt moments, musically brilliant moments when I achieved a breakthrough in singing; these will be much treasured.
This is also an inclusio. I know the Lord placed in my heart for me to seek her to be my teacher right from the start, and as much as my first teacher also ended things rather abruptly (although Laoshi did warn me a couple of times before), I see this as one that was inevitable.
On one hand, I feel relieved that I will stop letting her and myself down, and that now I will have more time to focus on my studies which are priority, yet I feel extremely sad because it also signifies an end to the time that we'll spend together. Call it an attachment (feels like a break up), but this has been one big part of my life for the past 3 years, traveling 3 hours back and forth every week to Hougang for lessons, arriving back at school only when everyone is done with dinner. I also had to give up many opportunities to go out or meet up with people and some basketball games; even sometimes to sneak in to rooms to practice vocals, and also had to have people telling me that I was disturbing their peace.
Here's my progress, Laoshi said. I made some breakthroughs before taking Grade 8 and right before it. But after that it was all downhill. The new semester with Student Council, and being set free from some emotional baggage towards the end then the onslaught of assignments, exams and ministry activities... Too many changes in my life came and I didn't keep up with it. Now that I'm changing FE church, more changes are inevitable and the best decision was to put a hold to things. After all, my basics were already fine and I could manage pretty well what would be sung in a church or contemporary setting. My initial desire to do a diploma wasn't really necessary — I wouldn't be able to cope anyway. She also noted that although I was blessed with so many opportunities any singer would have wanted to have, I never really took each one as my last.
She's right on most fronts, and I am humbled... All this time I thought I was doing OK, but it became more apparent that I was not doing as well as I thought — and it didn't escape Laoshi's eyes. It took just that first 5 minutes of our final lesson to get her to finalise her decision that we had to stop, and much thinking on my part the past couple of weeks to see that this was probably the best option (I decided not aim for a diploma this year).
Thank you, Laoshi, for everything. I will dearly treasure up in my heart your quirks, your teachings, your passion, your love... I'm glad that the Lord crossed our paths, and I know that the Lord's love will hold us together.
I'll miss you.
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