phrasaic

it's become plainer over the weeks as i speak to the many wonderful wise counsel around me and study the Word that i have been a Pharisee in so many areas of my life. it is scary to realise that each time i become adamant and think, "isn't that common sense — isn't that the basic of what Christian is supposed to be doing and why do we have to still see such things happening?", i am actually no better. like the Pharisees in Luke 11:37-53. how there are times where outwardly i seem to be doing the right things, yet many things go through my mind probably negates what my actions are saying in God's eyes.

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:12-13, ESV)

for every law that i dare create and weigh it onto someone without helping shoulder that burden, i turn that judgement onto myself. for every nitty gritty that i pick, i forget about the justice and love of God that i receive. for the best seats that i've so coveted, i have only seen that it is something that is everything i (and my flesh) am afraid of — the intensified need for humility and the copious responsibility that comes with it.

fear and trembling. one step at a time. O Lord, help me.