lone
Even though I may seem to most a social butterfly, I still enjoy quiet, one-on-one sessions the most. Group interactions may be fun and invigorating, but in such settings, I'd bounce off the energy that I receive and always seek to return as much, or even more. Once these are over I am happy but completely zapped.
But in personal interactions, there is this nice depth of give and take—albeit not necessarily in terms of energy—the dynamo that drives such times is really so much more sustainable and fulfilling. I last longer spending quality, personal time, and it is always refreshing to the spirit.
I was just contemplating this very season in life that my closest friends and I are going through. For me, going to school is a transition phase for sure, but the changes in their own lives are actually contributing to the pivotal changes in mine.
I am in a completely new environment, though I can say that I am pretty alright at adapting to change (middle child privileges). I have found a good core group of sisters whom I can share and pray with. But my closest girl friends, the ones that I have grown up with and the ones whom I know will die for me, are all either leaving the country or have gotten attached. I treasure my friends to death, but am not the kind who'd require constant, 'structured' friendship: I know that my closest friends are ones that would drop all that they are doing and be by my side the instant I need them (which isn't very often anyway), yet this reality is hence changing. The boundaries of my comfort zone is starting to dishevel, and even though I know it isn't negative personal issues that are causing this ripple, I still do feel a profound sense of loss. It is hard for me to impose my desires on others—I am still learning to receive even as I give—but I sense that it's time for me to look to new persons that I can receive from.
I am rather open person and most often do not like to put on pretense, even though I do believe in exercising a certain amount of wisdom (which is still W.I.P heh) when I share and like to hide my true intentions and prove my points behind the lot of nonsense that I spew. (And it really depends whether the recipient gets it or not—and few do—but it doesn't matter because that, in itself, is a point too :P) Anyway, as much as I am a forthright person, this need to search for 'new' close friends is a challenge compounded by my own past. I used to be too open too quick as I once foolishly thought that in friendships and attention-giving, the output equates input. But it isn't, and being foolish has its pitfalls of course.
I need to re-emphasize here that I am not throwing my old friends away. I have absolutely no wish to. They each hold a special, permanent place in my heart, but the current situation is that they've moved on to new seasons in life too and have new emotional responsibilities to undertake... And so should I, because it is not at all healthy to only be providing pastoral care but fail to receive support for my own needs—it is the ministry that suffers in the end—I cannot allow that to happen.
So it is my prayer that the LORD will place the right people in my life that will be able to provide the necessary support, and walk with me through this journey that has barely just begun. I know I am sufficient in the LORD, but this—is the beauty of the community of faith.
But in personal interactions, there is this nice depth of give and take—albeit not necessarily in terms of energy—the dynamo that drives such times is really so much more sustainable and fulfilling. I last longer spending quality, personal time, and it is always refreshing to the spirit.
I was just contemplating this very season in life that my closest friends and I are going through. For me, going to school is a transition phase for sure, but the changes in their own lives are actually contributing to the pivotal changes in mine.
I am in a completely new environment, though I can say that I am pretty alright at adapting to change (middle child privileges). I have found a good core group of sisters whom I can share and pray with. But my closest girl friends, the ones that I have grown up with and the ones whom I know will die for me, are all either leaving the country or have gotten attached. I treasure my friends to death, but am not the kind who'd require constant, 'structured' friendship: I know that my closest friends are ones that would drop all that they are doing and be by my side the instant I need them (which isn't very often anyway), yet this reality is hence changing. The boundaries of my comfort zone is starting to dishevel, and even though I know it isn't negative personal issues that are causing this ripple, I still do feel a profound sense of loss. It is hard for me to impose my desires on others—I am still learning to receive even as I give—but I sense that it's time for me to look to new persons that I can receive from.
I am rather open person and most often do not like to put on pretense, even though I do believe in exercising a certain amount of wisdom (which is still W.I.P heh) when I share and like to hide my true intentions and prove my points behind the lot of nonsense that I spew. (And it really depends whether the recipient gets it or not—and few do—but it doesn't matter because that, in itself, is a point too :P) Anyway, as much as I am a forthright person, this need to search for 'new' close friends is a challenge compounded by my own past. I used to be too open too quick as I once foolishly thought that in friendships and attention-giving, the output equates input. But it isn't, and being foolish has its pitfalls of course.
I need to re-emphasize here that I am not throwing my old friends away. I have absolutely no wish to. They each hold a special, permanent place in my heart, but the current situation is that they've moved on to new seasons in life too and have new emotional responsibilities to undertake... And so should I, because it is not at all healthy to only be providing pastoral care but fail to receive support for my own needs—it is the ministry that suffers in the end—I cannot allow that to happen.
So it is my prayer that the LORD will place the right people in my life that will be able to provide the necessary support, and walk with me through this journey that has barely just begun. I know I am sufficient in the LORD, but this—is the beauty of the community of faith.
Comments
Post a Comment